The question “What do you want?” has always sent me into an existential funk. Am I allowed to want? What do my instincts tell me? Am I answering what I actually want, or what I think I should want? What am I afraid to admit what I want? I pause during this question, because I don’t want to take my own desires for granted. If I say I want something, I really mean it.

However, it isn’t so hard to express how I want to feel and who I want to be. I know I want to feel natural and authentic. I don’t want to put on a performance, but rather just, Be. I love to feel connected and bonded with others. Sharing rituals, stories, memories.. that matters to me. I also appreciate a good aesthetic. When my surroundings look nice, smell pleasant, sound calm, etc., I feel peaceful. I feel soft. I feel free.

I want to protect my inner world. I want to let go of the people who don’t make me feel good. My favorite way to exist is to be with those I trust. I also value intentional moments. I would rather have fewer, intentional, slow moments than a thousand moments that feel rushed by. I want to do things simply because they bring me joy. I want to make everything beautiful!!

Along with these soft feelings, I am also simultaneously, a modern woman. Discipline is where I exist. I get it done. I am not afraid to make a fool out of myself for putting in effort. Ambition is not embarrassing! I value when I am living a life that is so exciting that it makes me want to jump out of bed in the morning. What a treasure.

So, I am going to run towards that. Whatever that looks like for me, however I get there, I am running toward a soft, ambitious life. That’s what I want.